Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
