hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
