I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
