I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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