Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
