Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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