you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found puke in my bra..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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