why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
