he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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