My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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