i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
