____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
