i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
