My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
