I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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