As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
