you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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