That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
