Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
