I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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