So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
