There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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