I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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