so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
