There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
