barbara walters just said penis...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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