His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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