She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
