Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
