I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
