Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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