took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
