the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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