My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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