im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
