Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want nice things and good sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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