i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
