i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
