What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
