i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
