He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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