Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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