chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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