We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
