bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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