I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
