Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
