Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
