I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
