Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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