Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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