I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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