yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
