I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
