Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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