I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
