Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
