my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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