I think my fart just growled at me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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