That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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