Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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