What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
