I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
