I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
