I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
