piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
