i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
