that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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