My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
