he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
only you would photoshop your dick
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
